I'm Not Scared of Needles

No, I'm not scared of needles.

I'm not scared of needles. I'm not scared of needles.

Oh who am I kidding? I'm terrified of them.

Like, I'd rather go to the dentist. Ok, almost rather go.

Today my company had its annual health and wellness expo, and each and every year I go to stock up on freebies: contact solution, hand sanitizer, pens, highlighters, toothpaste, toothbrushes...basically whatever I can get my hands on. And being me, I always avoid the testing booth...where they test your blood sugar level and cholesterol because pricking my finger and swiping my now bloody finger across a strip is just not my idea of a good time. Even if it is free.

Yes, a prick. It's not even like they draw blood, you know, like normal tests. Have I mentioned that I haven't had a physical in years...and by years I mean almost 10? My, how time flies. Everyone is absolutely horrified (and some slightly terrified) that I have allowed 10 years to elapse between these physicals. I plead ignorance. I had no idea people got these on a regular basis. Just like how I didn't know that I needed to smog check my car. The cop didn't buy my ignorance plea. Typical.

So today was the day. No more waiving my arm around away from the nurse so she couldn't pin me down to administer the shot. No more long conversations with the nurse about how I'm really scared...and did she promise it would just be like a pinch? No more telling the nurse that bee stings really do hurt, and they should really stop using that analogy. And yes, I thought rubberband snaps hurt as well. Same thing with pinches. And no more asking the nurse to please get me some ice cubes to numb my arm so I wouldn't feel the needle. Although, I was convinced this would work. The theory still needs to be tested.

They never listened to me anyway.

That was the old me.

This is the new me. Or so I hoped. I signed up and waited in line. Watching them prick and squeeze droplets of blood from fingers. Blahhhhh. Helpppp...

So finally it's my turn (sigh), and I sit and the nurse takes my hand and proceeds to tell me how cold it is and how cold hands don't bleed. Great. Just great. But she is nice enough to warm it, but while doing so, she notices that my hand was shaking. Which she proceeds to announce to all (yes ALL) the other nurses. To which they say, "Ohh, did she just finish her test?" To which my nurse says, "No! She didn't even start! Bahahahaha! Bahahahaha!"

Does she really think this is going to make me stop shaking? It just got worse. Poor hand.

The part that really gets me is the anticipation. I just think about it way too much. I watch people before me. I watch their reactions. I like to know what's going on, so this whole, don't look and it'll be a surprise doesn't work for me. The prick itself wasn't so bad, but...it did sting and it was throbbing. I asked if that was normal. I just got more "Bahahahaha!"

I giggled a bit too. Out of nervousness.

So what were the results? Well, apparently I have a normal blood sugar level of 96 (I had breakfast that morning). But nothing sweet...I wonder what it is after I bake a batch of cookies? And my cholesterol was just "low". She said the machine doesn't read anything less than 150.

And that was that. I left with an armful of hand sanitizers, toothbrush and contact solution...and a bandaged finger.

I knowwww. I'm a big baby. What would Yao say?