How to Melt a Woman's Heart...Let Me Count the Ways

What guy ponders this thought? Honestly.

Especially when there's football and Laker basketball to watch. Priorities, priorities, priorities.

Luckily, Men's Health magazine has stepped up and done the thinking for men everywhere. Let me clarify. Lucky for boys. Not so lucky for girls.

After reading, I have concluded that the only hearts that will melt as a result of this list are those made of Velveeta cheese. Yes, that cheesy.

Let's take a look, shall we?

40 Ways to Melt a Woman's Heart

1. Ask her to dance.
Only if you can, please.
2. On windy days, brush wayward strands of hair from her eyes and mouth.
"Wayward strands"? Who writes this stuff?
3. When she’s coming down the street, across the room, or up the stairs to meet you, walk towards her as soon as you see her.
Only works in the movies...and life does not imitate the movies.
4. Kiss her between her shoulder blades when she turns her back to you to go to sleep.
Shoulder blades? I must be missing something.
5. Put your arm around her when you introduce her to your friends and family.
Definitely could do without that.
6. Grasp her hand when a scantily dressed, beautiful woman walks by.
Who is this insecure? You're not blind. And neither are we.
7. Call her when you’re feeling sad.
Please don't. Watch basketball. That always cheers me up.
8. Kiss her eyelids.
Another random body part! I must really be missing something.
9. Ask to see a picture of her when she was a child.
Seems a bit to-catch-a-predator-ish
10. Wash her from head to toe in the shower.
Like a car wash?
11. If she’s crying on the phone, go over to her place. Immediately.
Crying? What's that?
13. Occasionally call her by her first and middle names.
I thought only parents did this. Gross.
14. Buy her your favorite rock album of all time on vinyl.
Because that going to be useful.
15. Order coffee for her, remembering exactly how she likes it.
I don't drink enough coffee to care.
17. Mention your upcoming anniversary before she does.
Not as effective as you would think/hope.
18. Send her something in the mail. Anything.
Anything? Please use some discretion.
19. When she’s feeling insecure, stare into her eyes and tell her there is no-one in the world who could be as right for you as she is.
Again, who is this insecure? And how will staring help?
20. Call her just before you get on the plane.
Like an afterthought?
21. Pick her clothes up off the floor.
Cool...I always wanted a maid.
22. Try desperately to make her laugh when she’s feeling down.
Desperately? Hmm...yeah...desperation has been known to melt hearts.
23. Take her to see your favorite sport live. Pay more attention to her than to the game.
Absolutely not. Especially if it's the Lakers. What a complete waste of money...we're in a recession!
24. Touch her arm when you leave the table to go to the bathroom. Touch her again when you come back.
Just remember to wash your hands.
25. Shave just before you see her. She’ll notice.
Isn't shaving part of your normal routine?
26. Hug her when she gets jealous. Hug her hard.
Hugs don't fix everything. Cake might.
28. Give her jewelry.
Not all jewelry is good jewelry. Remember that.
29. Hand her two towels when she gets out of the shower. (The second one is for her hair.)
Two towels? Way to increase your eco-footprint.
30. Ask her specific questions about her work.
Work...how romantic.
31. Keep her favorite cereal on hand.
Doesn't this only work on kids?
32. In the middle of a conversation, tell her you love her.
Do you like to be interrupted in conversation? Yeah, neither do we.
33. Send her very expensive flowers when you screw up.
Flowers don't fix everything...but cake does.
34. Take her to a cabin with a fireplace. Build her a fire.
This wouldn't even work if you were Bear Grylls. Now, if you build a fire and make 'smores...that's a different story.
35. Moan her name when she goes down on you.
HA! Just in case you forgot, this is a men's magazine.
36. Read her a story when it’s her turn to drive during a long road trip.
First the cereal now stories. Only works on kids.
37. Offer to fix something at her place that you realize is broken.
Keep in mind, not everyone is handy.
38. Notice when she’s wearing something new.
Unimpressive. Even my co-workers notice when I wear something new.
39. Kiss her hand in front of your most die-hard bachelor buddies.
Please don't. Seriously.
40. Ask if she wants to wrestle.
Perfect. Wrestling. Every girl's dream.

Whew! That was tiring...but my heart's still pretty much intact. No melting going on here. Admittedly, there are few (very few) things that would...but, in my defense, this list is pretty lame. Some...ok a few...maybe 2 of this suggestions are not bad, but definitely not what Men's Health purports them to be. Oh well. Nice try, I suppose.

Picture time! These are courtesy of my sister Nicole, aspiring environmentalist/marine biologist/ethical studies minor/chemist/landscape photographer/full-time cruiser. These photos are from her Redwood adventure at sunset in Saratoga, CA. I love the way the sunset washes the hills with color. I must be spending too much time in the OC because I would have never guessed that such a gorgeous landscape could exist CA.

Greasy Goodness

When is greasy food good for you?

1. A cure for your hangover
2. When it's In-N-Out (Neapolitan shake included)
3. A cure for your insomnia

I'm claiming #3 for my recent lunch of greasy goodness that was Al's Palace in Costa Mesa. Though, I did not have insomnia. It's just that #1 or #2 did not apply...and it did make me really sleepy in the aftermath.


Singapore noodles (spicy curry vermicelli noodles) with fried rice and an egg roll. 3 carbs all on one plate.


Mongolian Beef (aka beef with assorted veggies) with fried rice and an egg roll


Pork Foo Young (still not clear what this is...I believe it's like a pork omelet drowned in gravy) with...you guessed it! Fried rice and an egg roll. Look at how thick that gravy is!

Al's gets major points for efficiency and value...the portions are huge for even a Hawaiian. Ok, that might be a bit of an overstatement. Plate lunches are pretty much this size, only heavier and also induce sleepiness immediately after consumption.

Until I find a decent plate lunch here in the OC, I'll have to amuse myself with my homemade crostini. They are my newest food obsession! I plan to make a new variety every week. So far we have...


Crostini rubbed with fresh garlic, mascarpone, black pepper and olive oil. Yummy!

I have to say, I was skeptical of this one...but all the flavors melded nicely together. The rubbed garlic melted into the toasted bread and the bread warmed the mascarpone. The black pepper added some spice to the creamy mascarpone and the olive oil added fruity-ness. All this crostini obsession has made me wonder what is the difference between crostini and bruschetta. So, I turned to Google. According to Epicurious, crostini and bruschetta are basically the same, except that crostini is usually made from a small bagette, and is toasted as opposed to grilled. Bruschetta refers to the bread and the method of cooking (grilling) over coals, otherwise known as bruscare.

Since I used mini-ciabatta and I lack a grill...or even a hibachi, I'm sticking with crostini. Besides, I like the ways it sounds! It's so fun to say! Crostini! Crostini! Crostini!

You Can't Turn a Ho into a Housewife

Yes, someone actually said that to me last night. More on that later.

As you may have guessed (or know) last night was Halloween for me. After many unsuccessful costume searches, I decided to go with my homegrown housewife costume. I have the most adorable apron, and with the help of few, carefully selected accessories...voila! I was a housewife!



I think the spoons (I had 3 spoons to start the night) really made my ensemble. But I am especially attached to the fluffy feather shoes.

We kicked off the night at Maryn's (aka Tooth Fairy) with a few shots of frosty Scope. And then we were off! A tattooed Brian (aka Axel...and he really looked like Axel) drove us to the LBC in record time...even in the presence of the LBC Community Police. I'm still not clear what "community police" is...I wonder if it's similar to what Dwight (Honorary Sheriff of Scranton) on The Office does.

As with all Halloween parties, the people watching was fantastic. Some of my favorite costumes include...hieroglyphic man (head-to-toe spandex gold body suit with black hieroglyphics), the frog prince (Brenden in the Pho Sure blog entry), the one-night-stand, complete with bra and trashy morning after note (Dan, Core 1 President) and the cave people. But, my absolute favorite costume was Mr. T! (Michael). Totally did not recognize him!

I have to admit, my "costume" paled in comparison to these other costumes, but that doesn't mean it didn't garner any attention. See below.

Michael Jackson: Hey, what are you supposed to be?
Me: A housewife.
Michael Jackson: But you can't turn a ho in a housewife.
Me: (Blank stare)

Thanks, buddy. Lucky for me, I have high self-esteem.

Remember how I started the night with 3 spoons? I told myself I would be happy coming home with just 1. And so it was. I just wish it was one of the slotted ones. I had 2 slotted and 1 regular...now I am left with 1 regular. One of my slotted spoons is in the toilet on the boat...it fell out of my apron pocket. I stared at it sadly and waved goodbye. I have no idea where the other one ran off to.

After such nights, next day coffee is a must...and so is a tasty pastry or two. I decided to use this opportunity as an excuse to make another trip to 85-degrees bakery. Sadly for me, I had no back up shoes in my car, so I rolled up to the bakery in my red featheries. Stares and giggles ensued.
I got a green onion roll, strawberry bread and iced coffee. Yummy to the tummy. It was worth the stares.

Cheese, Please!

It started off as a simple errand.

Clarice: (In the midst of Linguine Frittata prep) Awww!!! I forgot to get smoked mozzarella!
*note: "mozzarella" was said in my very best Giada-esque Italian accent*

Jeannie: Let's get it! I wanted coffee anyway! We can take the bikes.

Clarice: (ignoring better judgment) Ok!

And we're off.

Two Problems:

1. The bikes that we have are for Jeannie and her bf Erwin. So, Jeannie agrees to take Erwin's bike and I take hers. Jeannie's bike is too high for me, and Erwin's bike is too high for Jeannie. Hmm.....

2. I haven't ridden a bike in well...let' see....YEARS. Supposedly you can't forget because it's like well, riding a bike. I'm here to tell you that you certainly can forget how to ride a bike. It is entirely possible, and in fact was my harsh reality as I crashed into the garage. Sigh.

Well, I figured it out and rode off into the parking lot. Then, I hear it. Crash! Clank! Clank! Where's Jeannie? Uh Oh. She had a little mishap with too-high bike, which resulted in a crash landing. I wanted to go check on her...but that would mean getting off the bike I worked so hard to get on. So that was out of the question. Sorry Jeannie :) I knew you'd soldier through it.

Now we were officially on the way to Trader Joes in pursuit of the smoked mozzarella for my mini linguine frittatas. We arrive...and now for the dismount. Hmm...how to attempt? I'm pretty sure there's no graceful or correct way, so we just went with easy. And it wasn't pretty.


Jeannie's battle wounds from the crash. Her toe is swollen and is currently on ice.

Apparently, smoked mozzarella is a seasonal item, and tis not the season. So, we were off to Ralph's. But not before we saw this...


Super Spaghetti! It's as long as my arm! Erwin wondered why we didn't buy it...sigh...boys

Sadly, Ralph's did not have smoked mozzarella either, so I settled for fontina. I don't think Giada would mind. It's still Italian.


Don't I look ridiculous? Yet, I want a bike now. A vintage pink one with a basket.

Smoked mozzarella-less we ride home. As I turn the corner, I see a fellow biker. Uh Oh. What to do. And I have to turn! Too many things to think about. So...I hop the curb. Ugh. Awful. At least I didn't fall off. Sorry Jeannie :)

We make it home in one piece...relatively. Jeannie announces that a certian part of her anatomy that shall remain unnamed hurts.

The good news is that her injury was not in vain. The Linguine Frittatas and Orange Ricotta Poundcake were sooooo yummy! I was also inspired to make some crostini!


Linguine Frittatas


Crostini with fig jam, ricotta, walnuts and honey

Sorry...no pound cake picture. I just ate it...and forgot to photograph. Super yummy and moist from the ricotta.

All recipes, with the exception of the crostini, (that's was my little creation) were courtesy of Giada's new book Giada's Kitchen. My other fav celebrity chef, Ina Garten aka The Barefoot Contessa is coming out her new book Back to Basics on 10.28.08. And is doing a book signing. I would normally be jumping up and down with sheer excitement. But! I won't be able to attend. She's having a signing in Santa Monica on 11.14.08 (the day I'm heading up to SF) and another signing on 11.13.08 in Union Square!!! The irony!!!

TGIF?

They don't make TV shows like they used to.

I'm sure we can all remember the TGIF shows ABC used to play on Friday nights. I don't remember all of them...but I do distinctly remember looking forward to Full House, Step by Step and Family Matters. Not that shows like that would be on my high priority "must-see" list today...but it would definitely make the cut ahead of a few shows I watched last night.

1. The Pick Up Artist (VH1): Now, I'll admit...I watched this show last season mostly for novelty purposes. It's a pretty entertaining premise: a group of socially inept guys turn to "Mystery" for some much needed dating boost. Think: Beauty and the Geek...but not as fun or drama-filled. My main problem with this show is its host, Mystery. Let's take a look, shall we?


I don't know about you...but this look does not scream (or even whisper) "pick up artist" to me. Could it be the fuzzy hat? Perhaps the fuzzy scarf? The heart pendant? The black eye liner? The earrings? The goatee? The gold buttons? I should mention that he also normally sports a pair of black goggles like a headband. But I guess it didn't go with the fuzzy hat. Despite all this, girls seem to like him and boys are lining up for advice. I just don't get it.

2. MANswers (SpikeTV): Did you ever want to know how to tell a real hooker from an undercover cop? Or can boobs really smash a beer can? If so, this is the show for you. And yes, it's as ridiculous as it sounds.

Play Hookie

Honestly...when was the last time you used that phrase???

Anyways, today I took a day for what else...but a Giada de Laurentiis book signing!!! Absolutely vacation day worthy.

First things first. I had to take care of my ticket business...especially since today was the very last day. Supposedly an officer was going to check out my car, you know, to make sure that my car was now legally untinted. But alas, the wonderful city of Newport Beach never lets me down, and no one checked my car. Which was unfortunate because I did have it removed on Sunday. Oh well.

Next, I was off to the newest "it" bakery in Irvine...85-degrees Celsius aka the Starbucks of Taiwan. I must say this is a bit of a misnomer because it is so much more than any Starbucks I have ever seen. Ever. They have a huge spread of sweet and savory breads on the right. But the most exciting part is the dessert case! For breakfast, I sampled the strawberry tiramisu and their iced cold coffee for breakfast. The strawberry tiramisu was very light, and the cake was light, but had great texture and was not overly airy. The strawberry mousse was perfect! Not too sweet and very strawberry...not to mention, it was the most beautiful shade of pink. Almost as exciting as the cake was the adorable little box it came in! Love it!


The box. It's like a Build-a-Bear home!


Strawberry Tiramisu. Love the pink. Love.

Happy and fed, I was off to see Giada! Ok...more like, I was off to wait four hours and then see Giada! I got there super early...9:30am, and waited and waited...and waited. Luckily, Maryn kept me company!


Me and Maryn. She was nice enough to get signed books for her mom and sis! I just got one for myself. Call me selfish.


Cause girls throw signs, too. Too bad my "g" is backwards. Yeah...did I mention it was a long wait??

Then, at 1:oopm...it was Giada time! AHHH!!! :D


Sigh...still an AWFUL photographer in the presence of Giada! Check out Maryn's blog for better pics!

Giada was so wonderful and nice. And major bonus: I had an actual convo with her...albeit a 30 second convo...but still. I'm thrilled!!! We talked about her turkey osso bucco! I have to make it!! Maryn and I were genuinely star-struck...and incidentally enough, we developed temporary Italian accents! Parmigiano Reggiano! Mascarpone! Prosciutto! Ok...guess you had to have been there.

I absolutely cannot get over how much I luv this book. Actually, no, I l-o-v-e it. I want to make so many things! This cook book is so complete with appetizers to drinks to pasta to meats to veggies to desserts. And the pages are so wonderfully glossy and the color scheme is just gorgeous. What to do first! How to decide!

While pondering this, I was off to shu uemura to pick up their fabled eye lash curler. I was chatting with the sales associate there, and she let me know that Giada luvs shu uemura...and she in fact knows Giada's make up artist! Ah! And, in Giada's upcoming Christmas episode, she gives her friends shu uemura stuff...which this lady helped pick!!!

And just when this day couldn't get any better... I saw a fabulous outfit while people watching. It was a woman in a cream suit...with a top hat. Yes, I said it...a top hat. But not just any top hat. It was bedazzled with glitter and jewels! It was totally bling-bling top hat. Like, Lil Jon's sister already. Wonderful.

For dinner, Mike took us to a really yummy Mexican place. They have the most amazing taco deal...3 tacos with your choice of meat, rice and beans for $3.50! How is that possible?? I had 2 asada and 1 carnitas with rice and beans please. The beans were creamy, presumably from the lard, but so yummy. But the winner-winner-chicken-dinner taco was the potato taco. The potato taco had a lot of things going for it...the crunchy taco shell was the perfect complement to the smooth potato filling, which was lightly seasoned. Pure tummy happiness!

The flan, however...not so much. The carmel was uncharacteristically dark, which is a tell-tale sign of overly burnt sugar. The custard had a strange texture...somewhat grainy, but oh well. Next time I'll know just to order extra potato tacos.

I'm going to dream about those potato tacos tonight...I just know it.

Perfectly Plums!

I love Plums Cafe! And, lucky for you...I remembered to take pictures!



Berry Belgian Waffle!!! The berries were so perfectly ripe, sweet and juicy! And the whipped cream is even better in the very strong coffee! In fact, so strong, "it's like crack!" quote the waitress.



Eggs Benedict with Santa Fe Hollandaise. I'm pretty sure hollandaise makes everything creamy and delish...but it works especially well here with the peppered ham.



Crab and asparagus omelet! The eggs were incredibly light, fluffy and buttery! The crab and asparagus were both sweet and yummy!



Only in the OC. Is it sad that I'm not the least bit surprised?

This is my 3rd visit to Plums...and I still cannot bear to venture away from the Berry Waffle! It's seriously that wonderful! Luckily, Jeannie is kind enough to order something savory so we can share the taste experience.

After brunch, it was time to handle some business: removing my car's window tint. Sigh. And of course the only tint place open on a Sunday is in Westminster! But for $2o, I can't complain. I contemplated DIY-ing it...until I read the online instructions, and then I was highly discouraged! Something about a warm sunny day...a clothes steamer, windex, trash bags, tarps and a razor blade. And then they tell me it's going to take half a day! Seeing as how it was already 1pm, I decided to give the tint place a whirl.

Well...this place was...interesting. And, you can imagine my surprise when it took them literally 10 minutes to remove the tint! Guess they don't use the DIY Network. But, at least it's done!



This is the place! Please note the mounted animal heads in the far left.

On a side note, I'm going to Seattle for Thanksgiving! And I would love to hear your suggestions for eating/sightseeing!

And most importantly, a huge thank you to Ashlyn for naming that herb! :)

Pho Sure

What is the perfect post-class/happy hour snack?



Ok...so this is a pretty big snack, so let's just call it a late dinner...a very late dinner. In my experience, the yummy-est pho can usually be found in some unsavory (and sometimes questionable!) establishments. Sometimes these places can be found next to convenience stores that sell things like this...



I think the cracked cover and layer of dust are nice touches...rustic, even.



Umm...if this will actually clean your toilet, then there may be larger issues to deal with.

With this in mind, you can imagine my surprise and skepticism when a few USC friends took a group of us to Thanh Long (I think) for some late night pho after the game last Saturday.


Complete with fancy light fixtures...and yes, that is a waterfall.



Plastic chopsticks in paper envelopes??? This confused me for a few minutes.

This place's claim to fame is their filet mignon pho...which unfortunately they were sold out of. So, I got my usual order of rare beef...large please. The broth was standard, but the beef was really soft and yummy. And they had these leaves that I really liked...but here's my dilemma! I have no idea what they are called. Apparently, everyone seems to know what it is in Chinese/Korean/Vietnamese, which is of no help to me.



Name that herb!


Brenden's very first bowl of pho! He even ordered it in Vietnamese...hahaha.